Degrassi: Unscripted and Retarded
by lightning-tornado-515
Summary: This is the fic to read if need a laugh or something to convince you your fanfic wasn't the stupidest one ever. Paige is with Jimmy though has a crush on Marco while pregnant with Craig's child, Sean is obsessed with his chick and much more. (OOC)


**A/n:** I was really bored in study hall and a few friends of mine began writing this monstrosity. It was like one person wrote a word then pass it to the next person who wrote a word and we created a very disturbingly funny piece of art. Just to warn you this is very dump and I can seriously do better, but we were sugar high, something very scary. Don't blame me if it sucks.

**©** **Snickers** (Not much of a degrassi fan, but an RFR fan for life)

**Lollypop** (obsessive Degrassi/Daniel Clark/Sean Cameron fanatic)

**Twix** (Me- degrassi/RFR/Charmed obsessed)

**Nerds** (neither Degrassi nor RFR, but took part in the insane piece of literature)

**Rolo **(part time writer)

**Sweet Tart** (She told us to put this upâ€or else)

**Warning**: a lot of character bashing. A lot of stupid coming your way.

**Ch. 1**

The big bad troublesome teen was unusually smiling broadly. "Look at my chick!" Sean Cameron, the boy who rarely smiled said gleefully. There was a small big eyed chick sitting in the palm of his hand. It peeped piercingly dazed from being in Sean's locker for the last three periods. Emma Nelson from across the courtyard was tired of Sean's constantly harassing the poor frail baby chick.

"Sean, you ungrateful son of a- oops, you don't have a mother do you," Emma looked deep in thought for a second as Sean grew more and more agitated by the blonde's presence. "I demand you, Sean Cameron, to release that poor defenseless creature!" He looked as if he didn't even hear her before spotting Raditch.

"Hey look it's Raditch! Move!" He shoved Emma forcefully to the ground and charged towards the middle-age man. "Look at my chick!" he shouted and took off into the school after Raditch. An outraged Emma decided that his actions were against the Code of Conduct and justice shall be served and followed him.

"Do you really think Emma's the victim here? Well, I think it's the chick," Paige Michalchuk along with Manny Santos had been watching from afar and gasped. "Whoa, you two are fat," Terri said walking past the two that had once been the most wanted girls at Degrassi until a certain musician came along.

"She's pregnant and I just had my baby, you dumb cow!" Manny said looking Terri up and down with a glare upon her face. Terri looked as if she was going to cry in front of everyone. "Hey Marco wait for me!" With that the blonde took off.

Now back to the Sean Cameron hunt Emma was on. Sean was leaning against the door frame of the Literature classroom. He was watching Mr. Walter, the strange substitute jam on his imaginary air guitar. "Rock on Mr. Walt!" Sean yelled doing the 'rock on' sign with his hand. "That's extra credit for you Mr. Cameron!"

"Yeah cool," Emma muttered as Mr. Walter suddenly stopped and glared at the teenage girl. "Now no one likes a kiss up Miss Nelson," Mr. Walter said fixing his spectacles on his face before quietly sitting back down onto his seat.

"Has everyone in this school gone insane?!" Emma cried out ready to rip her hair out. Finally she found him staring down this well on the side of the school. "Sean where is the chick?!" Emma cried out as he gave her a confused look. Fearing he shoved the poor thing down the well.

"Do you stalk all of your ex boyfriends? Oh wait, I was the only one you had," He smirked at his own joke. "WHERE IS THE FREAKING CHICK?" He had to step back frightened by her hostile antics just to see his pet. "Jeez, chill, Evil Emily is right here," Sean pulled out of his pocket the chick that looked as if it wasn't breathing anymore.

"Evil Emily? Why did you name your DEAD chick after me?"

"Conceded little Emma thinks everything is about here," Sean petted the yellow ball of fuzz with his index finger. "And I did not say EVIL Emily. I think your losing your mind. PRUE is named after the fallen Charmed One. The choice was super hot, powerful witch or ex-girlfriend. Hmm, I pick Prueâ€I need to stop watching those tapes with Mr. Walt. He taped them all on video and forces you to watch them when you have detention with him."

"I wouldn't know. I've never been in detention as many times as you."

"Whoa!" Sean pulled back and accidentally knocked Emma over the wall and into the well. "dang," Looking right and left she stuffed his hands in his pockets and began walking away whistling to himself as his chick chirped harmoniously.

Down in the well Emma hugged her knees to her chest curing at the fact that she's claustrophobic. Suicidal thoughts along with thoughts of committing genocide entered her mind as she grinned evilly. "EW, there's a poster sticking to my...he Charmed Ones?" Emma looked at the poster of the three beautiful women curing them because of their radiance compared to her school girl looks. "If found please return to Mr. Warren Walter...okay. I hate them!" She began ripping the poster up into itty bitty pieces not having anything else to do.

A happy bunny bus painted gold and pink with rainbows and flowers passed by earning a moment of awkward silence from all the students before things got hectic and everyone was at each other's throats. "I'll shoot I swear!" Beads of sweat rolled down Toby's forehead as he pointed the pistol at Dylan and Sean who were just passing by. "Come on, little nerd dude, why us?" Sean asked more afraid for his chick, Prue's health over his own.

"Because I love the beautiful and perfect in every way Marco!" Toby shouted earning confused glances from everyone. "That's my line!" Paige shouted pout of no where. JT was especially shocked because he has a sleep over every month with Toby and didn't even know he was into guys. "Come on, this place is getting old," his girlfriend Ashley Kerwin began pulling JT away from the scene. "Move and I'll shoot!" Toby warned threateningly.

"Mr. Walter, Toby has a gun! Emma's missing and this is so against the Code of Conduct!" Liberty knocked on the glass window of the Literature Classroom trying to get the attention of the teacher inside. On the door there was a piece of paper taped to it that said:

Leave me alone you hooligans can't you see I'm watching my prime time drama. School is cool man. Rock on! –Mr. Walt.

"No all hell is breaking loose! Prue don't die!" You could hear the supposed responsible adult yelling jumping up and down. "It's a tape," Liberty muttered walking away with a sigh. Around the same time Sean was yelling the exact same thing.

"Prue! She was a great chick. The best I ever had...oh well, I'll just go into the neighbor's yard and replace her with a Paige. Hey nerd boy, you murdered my chick. You're dead!" Sean charged towards the trembling Toby and began beating him over and over again.

Meanwhile a certain Italian boy was being harassed by a certain no longer petite blonde. "Um, Paige, I'm gay, which means I like guys like your brother Dylan for instants," Marco said nervously as Paige ran a finger down his chest trying to be seductive, too close for comfort. "What about Jimmy, your boyfriend or Craig the father of your CHILD?"

"Paige, what are you doing?" The African American basketball star looked at his girlfriend hitting on a gay guy. "Wait, Craig is the father of your child? I thought it was when Dean raped youâ€I'm confused" Jimmy scratched the back of his head.

"Who told you its Craig's baby?"

"Manny" Marco answered sheepishly as she slightly shoved him against a locker and whispered, "I'll see you later" into his ear before walking down the hall in search of the other once pregnant girl of Degrassi not even acknowledging Jimmy's presence.

"They were all over each other on the floor of Joey's garage when she was supposedly 'baby sitting' his little sister Angela. Right, whatever," Manny was preaching to a bunch of girls about the whole Paige/Craig hook up resulting in the pregnancy.

"Manny, where's my daughter?!" The curly haired teen resembling Frodo from Lord of the Rings with his trademark leather jacket asked intently pushing his way through the group to where the mother of his child was standing.

"Why do you care? Why don't you go ask Paige about her child and leave mine and me alone?" Manny shouted back as the crowd began to back away slowly feeling a scene coming on.

"She's half mine too and so is Paige's baby."

"I am sick of your constant scenes. I have an idea why don't the two of you and Paige go have your little threesome problems somewhere else away from my locker?!" The fierce redhead, Ellie Nash looked extremely irritated with her arms crossed across her chest. "Hey Craig," she smiled slightly waving.

"Hi Ellie," he replied smiling as Manny rolled her eyes. "What do you want children the color of the rainbow? First our daughter dark raven hair, Paige's son will most likely be a blonde, and now you want to screw Ellie to add a redhead to your collection Mr. Smooth?"

"Ellie, what happened to Sean?"

"He was obsessed with his chicksâ€and that TV show. I just couldn't take him breaking dates to watch that FICTIONAL show and play with his chicks." Ellie Sighed. "I need someone who understands." She had a dreamy look upon her face. "Craig! Manny! We need to talk!" A familiar big bellied blonde walked down the hall.

"Here's the last corner of the triangle now. I just need my English text and I'll be on my way," Ellie said slamming the locker door shut before leaving. "How's that little son of mine doing?" Craig said smiling at Paige's stomach.

"Kicking up a storm, but that's not the reason I came here. I heard that little Miss Thang right here has been gossiping about something she doesn't even know about." Manny smiled nervously. She had a lot of explaining to do.

They were arguing vigorously before a hot guy walked by forcing the two females to flirtatiously smile and wave as Craig rolled his eyes. This triangle was like a huge puzzle piece no one knew how to put together. One minute they were fighting over him, the next they were against him, and now they totally forgot all about him.

"Are you Paige?" The tall, dark, and hansom stranger asked.

"Yeah, that's me," Paige answered smiling wider than ever. He returned the smile and gave her a small post it before walking away. "Is that hot or what?" Manny asked watching him walk away. Paige looked down at the small note and it read:

Paige, I need to see you now. Meet me by the old well on the side of the school. –Marco

"Well, I've got to go hon," she gave the father of her child a quick kiss just to earn that look on Manny's face before heading off school grounds.

Dylan sat staring at his feet on the side of the school. Running a hand through his curly blonde hair he recalled seeing Paige hitting on his boyfriend and didn't like it. Paige always got the hotties while he got strange looks from all the homophobic. Not this time. She was pregnant for Pete's sake. Paige wasn't going to steal away Dylan's little Italian boy. Not now not ever.

"Dylan...what are you doing here? Marc...Mark told me to meet him here." Smooth save Michalchuk she thought she was sly, but Dylan was her big brother. He knew all the little tricks and scams she would try to pull. He knew her inside and out.

"You can't lie to me Paige. I know you like Marco. I'm going to make sure you leave him along and never touch him again!" Dylan pushed his sister's bloated body causing her to fall backwards into the well. Grinning he walked away from the scene planning on calling the firemen in an hour or two.

That was the end of the day and now that halls were clear and silent. "Finally three o'clock. I could go home and watched Charmed on TNT!" Mr. Walter shouted happily stuffing his action figures into his leather brief case and strolled down the hall. "What a great school and respectful these Degrassi kids are. I love my job," he muttered leaving the campus happily. His smile grew even wider seeing the bunny bus pull up to greet him.

After one more look at the school he substituted for Mr. Walter smiled knowing that all was good...or so he thought.

THE END...for now.

A/N: Was that dumb or what? Sorry if I scared some people away and I don't mind flames because this was all just for fun and stupidity. Even I object to all the strange happenings and pairings. I blame lollypop, and Snickers for not stopping her.


End file.
